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Derek Randel and Gail Randel, MD
Phone: (847) 853-4308
E-mail: info@randelconsulting.com
Website: www.parentsmartfromtheheart.com
Please forward our newsletter to anyone who is interested
in improving their relationship with their children.
This newsletter is now sent to 43 countries.
In this issue
1. Telling The Truth at Home
2. Phone Consultations
3. Chicagoland Seminar
4. Step Parenting
5. Sports Lessons
6. Quotes
7. He is such a liar
8.
Parenting Tips
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Telling the truth at home – is it safe?
Mark comes home from a Friday night party at 11:00 p.m.
and something was bothering him.
Mark went to a party with other 7th graders from his school
and was surprised to see his classmates using drugs and
drinking beer. Saturday afternoon Mark mentioned to his
mother that there was drinking and drugs at the party.
His mother became upset. Mom responded,
“Mark you're not going to anymore parties and your
not going out tonight. I want to know who was doing what
because I want to call their parents.”
Here are a few questions to consider:
1. Did mom react appropriately?
2. Is your home a safe place for your children to tell
the truth?
3. Does your child feel comfortable being honest with
you?
4. How would you handle this situation?
5. Would Mark be inclined to tell his mother about activities
at any other parties in the future?
By Mom overreacting this way what is really happening
is she is closing down the lines of communication with
her son. Mark will not inform her of future incidents
if he believes he will be punished. Many times parents
say, “My child never tells me anything anymore.”
This may be due to the fact that as parents we have taught
them it is not a safe thing to do.
How could mom have handled it differently? She could have
complemented Mark on his decision to not participate in
the drinking and drug use. This is a great time to have
a conversation on why kids use illegal substances, alcohol,
or smoke cigarettes, and why others don’t.
Also, discuss the effects of using, and the consequences
if they’re caught. Show confidence in your child
and tell them you’re proud of them and their honesty.
This will result in you keeping the lines of communication
open. Yes, your home can be a “safe” place
for your children to open up in.
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Phone Consultations Available
Phone consultations are available for parents who want
to learn effective parenting tools that also build positive
relationships. This is an excellent way to remove the
yelling while keeping the relationship intact. Half hour
sessions are available.
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Step Parenting Help
If you or anyone you know is struggling with their stepfamily
dynamics, then give us a call.
A few phone consults can dramatically improve your family
situation.
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Sports – Lessons we can learn
1. Have a goal and a plan on how to achieve it.
2. Be flexible.
3. Having the right equipment is necessary.
4. Practice
5. Afterwards review what worked and what needs improving.
How can these be applied to parenting? We hope you can
see how everyone of these applies to both sports and parenting.
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Quotes
1. “There is more to life than increasing its speed.”
~Ghandi~
2. “Talking without thinking is like shooting without
aiming.” ~Proverb~
3. “Young people need models not critics.”
~John Wooden~
4. “ Consider how hard it is to change yourself
and you’ll understand what little chance you have
to change others.” ~Unknown~
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Looking for a A SPEAKER
Need a speaker for a meeting or seminar? Give us a call!
We have customized programs for corporations, schools,
and parent groups for putting the fun back into parenting
or teaching so you can enjoy your children.
He is such a liar
I walked into the kitchen and my nine year-old son,
Kyle, was sitting at the table. I looked left and noticed
that a bunch of cookies were missing. I said, "Kyle,
what happened to the cookies?" Kyle: " I don't know."
I asked, "Did you eat them." Kyle: "NO!!!"
He is such a liar; nobody was home but Kyle and myself.
"Kyle, you're lying, no more for you - now go to your
room." Every time I catch him lying I get so angry that
I yell at him and send him to his room. He seems to
be getting worse with his lying.
Tips on handling Lying
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Do not force your child to tell the truth - you'll
lose
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Give positive feedback for honesty
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Give consequences without using anger
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Avoid calling the child "A liar." Say, "I see it differently"
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It is fine to give consequences when you have strong
circumstantial evidence.
See if the previous scenario can be played out easier for
the parent.
I walked into the kitchen and my nine year-old son, Kyle,
was sitting at the table. I looked left and noticed that
a bunch of cookies were missing. I said, "Kyle, what happened
to the cookies?" Kyle: " I don't know." I said, "How sad,
so many are gone. Why don't you go to your room so I can
figure out how I'm going to handle this." Kyle: "I didn't
eat them." I replied, "I see it differently, try not to
worry I'll get back to you."
Since nobody was home but Kyle and myself and I didn't eat
the cookies then it was obvious who did. Calling him a liar
would not have helped the situation. As a matter of fact
it would label him a liar. Many times children will feel
they need to live up to their labels.
In this situation mom did not ask if he ate the cookies.
If you know the answer then avoid asking the question. His
mom would be placing Kyle on the spot and he would feel
the need to defend himself. If this lying is becoming a
habit then make sure he receives positive feedback for when
he is honest. Later at bedtime, discuss with Kyle what behavior
as a parent we would prefer. We want Kyle to feel comfortable
talking with his mom about different topics instead of feeling
that he needs to defend himself. One goal for all parents
is to strive for giving seven positive comments for every
negative comment.
Quotes
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"Consider how much more you often suffer from your
anger and grief, than from those very things for which
you are angry and grieved."
~Marcus Aurelius~
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"We boil at different degrees."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
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"You create your opportunities by asking for them."
~Patty Hansen~
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"Parents learn a lot from their children about coping
with life."
~Muriel Spark~
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"The highest form of ignorance is when you reject
something you don't know anything about."
~Wayne Dwyer~
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If you make a promise then keep it. Teach your children
about promises by your examples.
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Self-care does not mean you're being selfish. If you
do not take care of yourself, then how will you be
able to take care of others?
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Your greatest tool is a sense of humor. We need to
learn how to laugh at ourselves or others just might
beat us to it.
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We have the power over our thoughts and attitudes
only. We do not control others thoughts and attitudes
so why try.
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